Elfish Arrow of love
by mohawk elf
Summary: Yet another Mary-Sue parody... But it's chocked full of even MORE retarded goodness!!
1. The supposed Plot

{A/N: This entire thing is a parody. FYI I'm oh so wittily making fun of the Mary Sue stories out there, complete with their silly authors. Everything you read is intended, so don't go flaming me because it's poor. AND ON WITH THE SHOW!!!}  
  
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Hi, my name is Lady Glorien Meadow-Blossom Greenleaf, and this is my first fanfic. I just want too ask you to please not flambe me, becrause I'll cry so... REVIEW REVIEW!! This is completely an originl idea of mine, so there.  
  
For the disclaimr that everyone seems to have: I don't own anyone but I sure wish I did. Oh, Rayne is mine. I've only seen the LOTR movie and this is my first fanfic...  
  
  
CHAPTER ONE  
  
Rayne ran a brush through her lon bloinde hair, sighing at her reflection. She saw before her large, chystaline blue eyes, framed by a lush sweep of lashes. Her face was heartshapes and perfect, with pouty rosepatal lips.  
She sighed again sadly, wishing she was in anothe rplace. She was unhappy, bother her parants had been killed when she was a baby in a terible car accident, and she lived with her creul Aunt Milicent. Her aunt never spoke kind words to her, only was rude and mean, constantly telling Rayne that she was dunb and worthless.  
What her aunt didn't see is that Rayne was one of the most intelligeht students in her highschool, and already had some sclarships under her belt.  
She turned away from the mirror and hopped gracefully ont o her bed. I'll just try to go to sleeo, she thought, alredy freeling tired. The last thought that come into her mind was her favorite book THE LORD OF THE RINGS.  
I wish I could just leave here and go to Middle earth, she thougt. They would understand me. Her eyes felt droopy, and with a final sigh she fell deply into sleep. The sleeping girl never felt the gust of wind surrounding her.  
  
  
  
  
  
Rayne woke to souds of talking, and when she opend her eyes it was so see men standing over her.   
The men gasped, seeing the beaurtiful maiden awake. She looked uo and saw an elf that she could onot possiby mistake. "Lagoles!" she gushed, sitting up.   
To her suprise she was waering the most beautifl dress, which was a pale blue to match her eyes, with maching slipers. Her hair was a goldan cloud around her. "What's going on.?"  
Lagolsa kneeled beside her, takig her hand in his. "Beautiful Lady" he breathed, his blue eys memorizing her every feature. "I worried wen you did'nt look like you would wake!"  
Anoter man kneels beside her, and he was dakly handsome. "I am Aargrom, and mayb I say tht you are the most buartiful woman I've sver seen!  
Rayne blushed, and let the men pul her too her feet. "Thank yiou!"  
"Im in Midle Earth!" she cried out, loking around. "How did I get hear?"  
Then she saw the hobbits, and whn their saw her beaty, they fell in love.  
"Your'e more beautiful that Goldberry!' said Pipin, his eys round with wonder.  
Frdro took her hand. "Youu are golden like the sun"  
Gradalph stepped forward. "We are on a very graven qruest, My Lady." He smiled. "We woul be honored if you come along!"  
Rayne nodded. "Oh! I know all about the ring."  
Legolas put a strong arm around him, and she couldt almost keep hrself from swooning. He smelled like... vanilla and musk! "You see, this maiden is not only beautiful but a seer!"  
"Pray tell us your name..." Aargron pleadd.  
"Rayne." she beamed.  
"You will hep us on out qeust."  
Rayne finally felt like she was fitting in somewhere. She looked around and saw adorjing faces and smiles, and it seemd that Aunt Milicent was long gone.   
  
  
  
  
Thay walked on for what seemed like foever too Rayne, and Lagoles kept her company throught it all, telling her of his hom e in Mirckwod. And when they stoped to set up camp, he taught her how to shoot arrows.  
Aagrom was definitly jealous, thought Rayne, and on lots of occasions she caught hm looking at her and Lagoleas. She went ou of her way to make friends with the fellow shop, and soon she felt quiet close to them. Time passed slowrly and she felt lilke she was one of the felowship.  
By the end of the frst day, they got to the Minds of Marea. One look at the place and Rayne knew she did'nt want to go in theyre. She took Grandalph aside and him that he woudl fall into shadrow. Little did she know but Lagoles over hared.  
Theirs somethin special abot her. I feel like Ive know her all my life, thought Lagoles. When I look at her, I feel... I've never felt this way! And he was so hapy that he pickd her up and wung her around. Rayne gigles and hung on, and everone thought she was breatful.  
  
  
So what do uyo think? Kewl rite? I'm gettin' to be so good. So please REVIEW REVIEW, cause I know {real author rolls eyes} that ueyiour just DYING to find ou what hapens to Rayne!!!


	2. A taste of Idiocy

{A/N: This entire thing is a parody. FYI I'm oh so wittily making fun of the Mary Sue stories out there, complete with their silly authors. Everything you read is intended, so don't go flaming me because it's poor. AND ON WITH THE SHOW!!!}  
{Oh yeah, I forgot the disclaimer for the last chapter: I don't own these characters, yadda yadda. I shouldn't even have to say this, because I won't be 'sue'd (OK, bad joke!) anyway!}  
{Oh, I almost forgot: This chapter is going to get really silly, and not make sense. Thus, the simpleton author shows her true nature with fickle characters, NO PLOT, and shamelessly cliche crap. Enjoy.}  
  
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Hi, my name is Lady Glorien Meadow-Blossom Greenleaf, and this is my first fanfic. I noticed I didn't get ay review yet. C'mon peepz, I know somone out there is injoying this. Anywayz, I jsut wanted to say that I HEART ORLANDO BLOOM. OMG!! He is jsut sooo HOT!  
Ok, so like, I don't own anyone but Rayne, and I'm gonne cry withotu the R/R!! Also don't flambe me, cuz I nevr read the bok (accept a coulpe of chapters) but I saw most of the movie. So I'm all like a wizerd in LOrt: FOtr... (sp??)  
  
  
  
CHAPTER TWO  
  
Rayne was in heaven, even though she was stil in the Minds of Murea. It was drok, but with Lagoles, she felt so safe and caml. He lightly strokd her hair and sung in Elfish.   
  
What ar yuo saying, my love? Rayne askde.  
  
Lagulas smiled, thinikng how gorgeiuos she was. Just saying tht I have nevre been so HAPPY! I love yuo!!!!111  
  
  
  
Tom Bumbebadil:  
  
Hey dol! Merry doll! Leave it all to beaver!  
Lageolas! Bite my ass! You'd better not mistreat her!  
She looks like! Goldbory! Befor her b00bz got saggy!  
Make sur she eats less than you! Or Rayne will get real flabby!  
  
Gimli chased the dancing guy away. Don't you takl about Rayne like that!  
  
Morry and Pipin snigerd. Glibi has a girlfriend!  
  
Glimi sighed, poping a dwafr boner thinkin g about Rayne.  
  
Rayne tuggged Lageosla into a drak cornre. So, whatr were you saynig about loviing me?  
  
I know we jsut met, Vaniquistalistiasj... he goes on and on with the Elfish endearment. 79930!kkdlonlVajkndle$@#$%##!#%$^YFHJHBGUFMelloc... But I watn you too be with me 4ever!  
  
Wow, thi is WAY bettre thna a draem, baby!  
  
Meanwhile...   
  
Aagronr is grumblin, seeing thme together. Why doe he get too have her?  
  
Fodro sighed, hsi eyes big an bloe. But what abot Arawon?  
  
I do'nt want Arwon! Rayne is the mots special purson! he argeud.  
  
Gollum layed a comforting hand on Argron's shuolder. Dont worry, beside, who say you can't have s0me funn on teh side?  
  
Murry and Pipyin stare.  
  
Gloimu and Grandfu stare.  
  
Gollin slinkz away.  
  
Mot Bomdildo:  
  
Hey dol! Merry dol! Alfafa and Stimey!  
Aargron don't let him touch yuo! Gollims hand is grimey!  
  
Gollins: WELL I NEVER! [slinks away] {A/N: Although he slunk away before}  
  
Tom Bombaduke:  
  
Anyway, as I say! I think I am the cleanest!  
If you like, and don't tell, I'll let you touch my PENI-  
  
Tom's song is interrupted by Glimbli tackling hmi.  
  
Mookrry and Pypon: Gloimi has a BOY freind!  
  
AGENT ELROND: Now now, that's not nice. Ask pore Lagealos how he feles when preople insinu- insuniat- THIN K he's gay? [mutters to himself] Although everyone knwos he IS! [laughs] MWAHAHAHAHA!  
  
I'M NOT GAY! Legoauls shrieks and a slapfihgt ensues.  
  
Rayne bats her eys. I just LOEV it when guys fihgt over me!


	3. OMG, how retarded can this get?

{A/N: This entire thing is a parody. FYI I'm oh so wittily making fun of the Mary Sue stories out there, complete with their silly authors. Everything you read is intended, so don't go flaming me because it's poor... AND ON WITH THE SHOW!!! This is going to be late because one of my other parodies was taken off the site for being suggestively naughty, which is CRAP.}  
{Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, and I don't _want_ to own anyone. Do you know how hard it was to potty train Legolas!? Anyway, this is a parody so I can't get sued.}  
{Oh by the way, I got a review centered on my spelling. Let me stress this: Everything that is written in this pointless waste of time story is INTENDED to look that way. I'm not _that_ much of an idiot. And the silliness will begin as Lady Glorien still hasn't gotten out of her 'writer's block...}  
  
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Hi, my name is Lady Glorien Meadow-Blossom Greenleaf, and this is my first fanfic. I got my first revieiw, althgh it's about my spelign. I *do* have spelcchek but I always fotgut to user it. *bats eyelases* Oooh, wel. I dont thinl my spelin is *that* bda! Peoprle REVIEW REVIEW, or I will KILL YUO! Er... No presore thouhgt.  
  
  
CHAPTER THREE  
  
Ridiculously late Narator: So whne last we saaw our chamring Felluwchip Agent Elrond... Er... Elrond was in a mots vicouis bitch slaping contest with Leagolis.  
  
Enrong: I'm going to slap yuor wig of, Mr. Andursen... Er... Lagoles!  
  
Laegolie: Eww, you smel like old cabage!  
  
Sma, Pipyn, Morky, and Fodro: [in usinon] MMM! Cabage!  
  
Rayne: OK, thtas quiet enogh already wiht teh fihgting. [sniffs] Who farted?  
  
Gollim: [far away] [snicker snicker]  
  
Grandalf: [To self] This si geting starnger and stranger...  
  
Pipyn: [wiht adorably innocent face] Rayne, How do yuo make a baby?  
  
ENTIRE COMPANY: AWWW!  
  
Pypin: Tee hee!  
  
Mot Bonkerkill:   
  
_Hey Rayne, pretty Rayne! Your'e so frikkin' prety!  
Why, don't ouy come along! To my motel in the city!_  
  
Tom Bombasticdil: [tackled by Elrodn and Lageolio]  
  
Ridiculousy late narotor {A/N: Who shouldn't even be here}: After a lon while of sounds of violcnce in the Mids of Morisia both Erlronb and Lalagolie come back, shaking hands and smiling.  
  
Legollus: That was gerat!  
  
Elrind: Rrright. We shuold doo that agsin sometim  
  
Tum Bumbaklat: [far away in the shradows] [In weak voice] Cant we all jsut get along?  
  
ENTIRE COMPANY: AWWW!  
  
Tum Bumbaklat: [far away in the shradows] [In weak voice] I thikn my splean came out... OOH! LOK AT TEH PRITTY COLORS! [dies]  
  
Legolias: Aiyee!!!!111  
  
[Everyrone looks at Legoli]  
  
Legolie: I had too doo it. It's in the scirpt.  
  
[Everyone looks at Lugoles, confused]  
  
Legieloas: Its alwrays writen that I says that!  
  
Fudro: Well, don't you thikn we shuold go inow? [To Grandalf]  
  
[Gandralph tares his eys away form his wallet: Wha...?  
  
[Morku the hobbirt looks suspicios : Whats in yuor wallet, Garndupe?  
  
Enron... Er, Elrund snacths it from the odl wizerd.  
  
Enruld: Hmm...[smirks] [sniggers] [gasps] I see...  
  
Grandop: Giv it bakc or I punch yuo in the throat!  
  
Elrind: Hmm... It's a nakked piktore of Sarkumen!? [drools at pictore] Whoa, I nevr kn3w he had such a nice-  
  
[Grandolf snatchs his walet back adn turns to the evre wide eyed ( O . O ) Fordro] Lets girt a move on. Its' that way!  
  
Pipyn and Morka: Hes rememberd!! YAY!!!11 YAYAYAYAYAY!!!111  
  
ENTIRE COMPANY: [All look to see Pipyn and Morki making out] [mouths drop opsn eveyrwhere]  
  
Bilbu: [stil in Riverndoll] Wha...? [mouth dorp open]  
  
Rosei: [in the Shyr] Hmm...? [mouth dops open]  
  
Galadrool: [moaning] OH YES! I FEEL THE URGE...  
  
[Nameless elves back up sing] SHE FEELS THE URGE TO HERBAL!  
[Nameless elves back up sing] SHE'S GOTTA URBAL IN THE SHOWER  
[Nameless elves back up sing] FOR ANOTHER HALF AN HOUR  
[Nameless elves] SHE'S GOT THE URGE- NATURAL BOTANICALS  
  
[Record skips and then scratches to a stop]  
  
Galadrool: [stops singin] [mouth drpos open] Huh!?  
  
ENTIRE COMPANY, Galadrool, Dilbo and Rosei: [yels] Let's keep thsi PG!  
  
Merko and Peepee flush: sory  
  
Balrog: [form Crakc or Doom] I agree!  
  
Gandaph sighs wearly: No, we go thsi way because it doesnt smell so fouk... foul  
  
Balrog: [still in Crack of Doom] [snifs] Who fartd?  
  
Gollim: [far away] [snicker snicker]


End file.
